| 25 August 2010
I normally don't do a lot, if any, reposts of articles. I refer back to one, as most bloggers do, but rarely will I just copy and paste some old bullshit from January... unless it has purpose. I wanted to take one last overall look at the 2010 schedule for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish Football team, and also give you guys some totally homer predictions/prophecies for what shall transpire. Those predictions/prophecies are written in red and are the "New Edition." You can call them the Johnny Gill segments.
As I went back through these little capsules of our enemies, I was surprised that I haven't changed much on my overall opinion. After 7 months, there is a tendency to overthink things out, and come up with different thoughts everytime you run it down in your head.
Not so much, in my case...
The following is the 2010 Irish Schedule. Away games are noted and italicized, and the neutral site games will have an asterisk. One quick note, the teams best and worst losses are for the regular season and are debatable, so you may slit my sack in the comment section below.
Purdue
- 2009 Record: 5-7 (24-21 loss to Notre Dame)
- Best Win: Ohio State (26-18)
- Worst Loss: Northern Illinois (28-21)
- Bowl: NONE
Notre Dame will open the season against a Big Integer team for the first time since 1998, when the Irish beat the shit out of Michigan 38-20. Both Purdue and ND will be breaking in new starters at Quarterback. For all of those that thirst for a Miami game, Robert Marve shall be the closest we get for now. Notre Dame is 7-3 in the last 10 meetings.
Brian Kelly needs to get off to a good start, and there is no better way to do that, than an in-state drubbing of the "little bitch" of Indiana. I think a 49-17 Irish victory is well within reach. After the game, Marve is stripped down on the sideline and has his head shaved by Joe Tiller. Danny Hope resigns.
Michigan
- 2009 Record: 5-7 (38-34 win over Notre Dame)
- Best Win: Notre Dame (38-34)
- Worst Loss: Illinois (38-13)
- Bowl: NONE
Michigan is second up on the schedule and that is quietly becoming a tradition as ND has played Michigan every year in the 2nd spot since 2002 when ND played them in the third game after taking a two year break in the series. Could this be the last game against Dick Rod? There might be a QB controversy in Ann Arbor by now too. What fun! Notre Dame is 5-5 in the last 10 meetings.
After Notre Dame officially ends The Dick Rod Era with a 38-12 victory, The Dick is cut-off by Michigan. Once back in the locker room and crying like a bitch, Dick Rod gets a surprise. Tate Forcier takes a rooster from out of his bag, tears off his wings and stabs Rod with them, "There's your fucking wings!" Hilarity ensues as PETA shuts down the 2010 season for Michigan with a 0-2 record.
@ 
Michigan State
- 2009 Record: 6-7 (33-30 loss to Notre Dame)
- Best Win: Northwestern (24-14)
- Worst Loss: Penn State (42-14)
- Bowl: Alamo Bowl... lost 41-31 to Texas Tech
Michigan State is always a very physical game, and it is always a game of concern for the Irish, especially coming after the Michigan game every year. The Fighting Irish finally broke the jinx against the Spartans in South Bend last year, can they make it two years in a row? That feat hasn't been accomplished since the 1993 and 1994 seasons. Notre Dame is 4-6 in the last 10 meetings.
This loss is vintage MSU. After leading Notre Dame 20-7 heading into the 4th Quarter, Sparty chokes on applesauce as Crist leads the Irish on 3 straight TD drives and to a 28-23 victory. East Lansing burns to the ground, because that's what they do in East Lansing.
Stanford
- 2009 Record: 8-5 (45-38 win over Notre Dame)
- Best Win: U$C (55-21)
- Worst Loss: Wake Forest (24-17)
- Bowl: Sun Bowl... lost 31-27 to Oklahoma
It will be interesting to see if Stanford matches its 2009 production without Toby Gearhart (who SHOULD have won the Heisman). At any rate, Jim "Crazy-as-bat-shit" Harbaugh will still turn this team into a physical group of players. As of press time, ND has 3 former Stanford commits that are now committed to the Irish. One more could still come to South Bend, and a prospect committed to ND could bolt for Palo Alto. Notre Dame is 8-2 in the last 10 meetings.
"I HARBAUGH! I CRAZY AS BAT SHIT! I TOO TOUGH! I LIKE SATAN! I BLAH BLAH BLAH!" Harbaugh goes into complete meltdown mode at halftime with ND leading 27-3. He refuses to come out until Jimmy Clausen meets him inthe tunnel for an autograph. Clausen was unable to be contacted. Irish win 38-19.
@ Boston College
- 2009 Record: 8-5 (20-16 loss to Notre Dame)
- Best Win: NC State (52-20)
- Worst Loss: Virginia Tech (48-14)
- Bowl: Emerald Bowl... lost 24-13 to U$C
Notre Dame will travel to Chesnut Hill to play BC for what looks like the last time in the foreseeable future. Boston College will be led by their 41 year old QB, and looking to play the bitch role in this relationship- once again. The last time Notre Dame went to Massachusetts, they were shutout. Coach Kelly would love to go back home to lay down an ass-whooping. You know it. Notre Dame is 3-7 in the last 10 meetings.
After years of struggles against the Jesuits, Notre Dame gets Holtzian and blasts the Eagles in Chestnut Hill. Brian Kelly elects to run the score uo as he puts both middle fingers inthe air. Irish walk out 56-7 victors of the Catholic faith.
Pittsburgh
- 2009 Record: 10-3 (27-22 win over Notre Dame)
- Best Win: UConn (24-21)
- Worst Loss: NC State (38-31)
- Bowl: Meineke Car Care Bowl... won 19-17 over North Carolina
The Wannstache makes his triumphant return to South Bend with a two game winning streak over Notre Dame, but he also has a two game losing streak against Brian Kelly. This is enough to make Dave shave. Pitt could be even better than what they were in 2009. Pitt is the one Big East school Notre Dame should play and Pitt should actually be in the Big Integer. So, whatever. Notre Dame is 6-4 in the last 10 meetings.
Someone forgot Wannstache that Brian Kelly was the new Head Coach of Notre Dame. Dave literally shits his pants when he saw the glowing light of a halo over Brian Kelly's head on the other side of the ball. The game stays close, due to Wanny forgetting about Baldwin and tells his OC to "Run,run,run!!!." Irish win 27-17.
Western Michigan
- 2009 Record: 5-7 (DNP)
- Best Win: Toledo (58-26)
- Worst Loss: Michigan State (49-14)
- Bowl: NONE
After a respectable first half slate, Notre Dame dips into the MAC for a "win." The Irish may not want to join the Big Integer, but they are certainly acting like a team from that conference. What's the big deal, you might ask? Not much, but it is kind of a dull matchup for the middle of October. Notre Dame has never played Western Michigan- and if they have, I'm too lazy to look back that far.
Irish win the Michigan State Title! Yawn. ND "pulls" this one out, 48-3.
@ Navy*
- 2009 Record: 10-4 (23-21 win over Notre Dame)
- Best Win: Notre Dame (23-21)
- Worst Loss: Hawai'i (24-17)
- Bowl: Texas Bowl... won 35-13 over Missouri
Navy will be a team that everyone will bring up as a "weak" opponent for Notre Dame. Then they will make fun of Notre Dame for losing to Navy last year. Don't argue with them. They don't understand. Navy is good, and should be better in 2010. As per usual, the game "at" Navy will be held at a neutral location, possibly on the shore of Somalia this year. God damn pirates. Notre Dame is 8-2 in the last 10 meetings.
Payback is a bitch, and the Irish spoil Ricky Dobbs Heisman campaign with a 33-28 win. You know the Irish will win this one. Notre Dame has won 24 straight games against Navy- away from South Bend. 25 BABY!
Tulsa
- 2009 Record: 5-7
- Best Win: Tulane (37-17)
- Worst Loss: Oklahoma (45-0)
- Bowl: NONE
This is Notre Dame's version of touch 'em all, as Tulsa, from the mighty Conference USA, heads to South Bend to take on the Fighting Irish. Just wait until 2011 when ND fills its final 3 games (all home of course) with Florida Atlantic, Utah State, and Ball State. Tulsa is making their first trip to Notre Dame- again, I'm assuming this is true, but I am too lazy to check back that far. As much as i am poking fun at this matchup, Tulsa has had a potent offense for a half a decade. Did you see them dismantle Bowling Green a few years back in their bowl game?
No score is provided. Notre Dame wins easily, but it is a black mark on the season as the Iish actually played a team from Conference USA.
Utah
- 2009 Record: 10-3
- Best Win: Air Force (23-16 OT)
- Worst Loss: TCU (55-28)
- Bowl: Ponsietta Bowl... won 37-27 over California
Utah will be making its first trip to Notre Dame Stadium. Once again, I am too lazy to look it up- but trust me. Utah looks to be one of the toughest opponents Notre Dame will face in 2010. That ain't no joke homies. Utah is for real, and they always seem to step it up on the big stage. You can bet that they have this game circled on their calanders (as most teams do anyways). This game comes right after a bye week for the Fighting Irish. That's definitly a good thing. Utah will be ready, will ND?
With National Title hopes on the rise for both Utah and ND, ESPN's College Gameday makes their first appearence in South Bend since in quite some time. The Ute's are gritty, dirty, and nifty as they push ND into OVERTIME. Emeka Nwankwo blocks a Utah FG attempt to seal a win for ND 27-24.
Army*
- 2009 Record: 5-7
- Best Win: Vanderbilt (16-13 OT)
- Worst Loss: Tulane (17-16)
- Bowl: NONE
Wait. Didn't Notre Dame already have their "neutral" site game? No silly, that was just the bi-annual "Where-we-gonna-play-Navy-at-game." This is what Irish fans had in mind when the 7-4-1 was initiated. This is a load of crappola. Yes this game has a nice bit of history to it being played in Yankee Stadium- but was this really necessary? Notre Dame is 10-0 in the last 10 meetings. (thanks to Ivory Covington).
There is no stopping the freight train of the Irish as they play in the land of the OG Subway Alumni. Most of the 2nd team plays the entire 2nd half as ND wins 42-10. Brian Kelly does fist pumps with The Situation, Snookie, and Pauly D at midfield after the game. Respect to the GFF in their backyard.
@ U$C
- 2009 Record: 9-4 (34-27 win over Notre Dame)
- Best Win: Ohio State (18-15)
- Worst Loss: Washington (16-13)
- Bowl: The Emerald Nuts Bowl... won 24-13 over Boston College
Once again, Notre Dame plays U$C to close out the year in California. Personally, I'm getting sick and tired of this shit. Not just the losing, but playing the last game of the year in California. This year, The last two games are away from home. For recruiting reasons, right? Fuck that. Kelly can get on a plane after the last game of the year and fly out to the West Coast if they have to. They all can. It didn't help enough to get Anthony Barr, so let's drop the lame ass tactics.
Lane Kiffin was fired after the 4th week, due to extreme recruiting violations were found to be true. He robbed a bank, and dropped the cash off at a recruits front door with a note that said, "I love you baby boy." -Kiffy. Kiffin is now doing 15-20 in Chino ( Al Davis sent a care package). Coach "O" leads the team out onto the field while ripping his shirt off in front of 13,000 screaming fans. It was the ND Alumni Club of California.Ouch. The Irish end the streak, and solidify themselves in the National Title Game with a 35-17 victory. Suck it Tommy!
Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen. The 7-4-1 7-3-2 schedule.Yes, the prophecies may be a little over the top, and I am sure that the prediction of a perfect season is too, but why the hell not. The season is a week away, and why not bask in the glory of the dream as opposed to breaking shit down to its core. Fuck that. Give me the dream. I'll deal with the nightmare later.
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