Great Shane of Subway Domer video fame decided to sit down and simulate the 2012 Football Season on NCAA Football 2013. He took notes as he watched the Notre Dame games unfold. Dear god, he's going to die at a young age…
Next up: Pitt
Week 10 – Pittsburgh vs. Notre Dame (South Bend, IN)
After drinking my sorrows over last week’s insanely close loss away, I’m given an opportunity for a full recovery this week as we face the maligned and once again new-head-coach-having Pittsburgh Panthers. What is that like five in 2 years now or some shit? That’s gotta be a record. The Panthers come in 5-3 and unranked while we maintain a Top 25 status of #23 coming off the close playing of Oklahoma. I’m fully expecting an ass thrashing in Notre Dame Stadium and will accept nothing less, such that we may strike ungodly fear in the fuck sticks as Back Up College next week. The boys better not disappoint this week…off to the game then!
The Panthers win the coin toss and elect to defer to the second half so Notre Dame will come out just straight slinging that shit around, I just know it! George Atkinson takes a knee about 6 yards deep in the end zone for a touchback and they’ll get started at the 25 yard line.
Everett Golson and company come out on offense looking to set the tone early for this game and on 1st down, Golson passes over the middle to TJ Jones and he takes the catch all the way down to the Pitt 46 for a pickup of 29 and a 1st down. SLING THAT SHIT! On 1st again Golson goes back to TJ Jones who gets a small pickup of about 3 and on 2nd he connects with Davonte Neal for another small gain this time for about 2 yards. On 3rd and 5 Golson fakes the handoff to Cierre Wood and instead tosses a nice little lob pass over to Davonte Neal who makes the catch at the Pitt 20 yard line for the new set of downs. Golson hits Robby Toma on 1st down for a gain of just 1 and as they guys go to snap the ball on 2nd down Zack Martin is called for a false start to bring up 2nd and 14. On 2nd down Golson drops back and looks to hit John Goodman on a pass to the end zone but he puts too much air under it and the corner gets plenty of time to swoop underneath and make the interception in the end zone. So much for slinging that shit goddamnit…
So Pitt delightfully takes over at their own 20 and they try to call the defense offside and instead are called for a false start making it 1st and 15. On 1st they hit a receiver on a screen and pick up 7 for 2nd and 8. On 2nd down they try to pass again but Dan Fox makes him pay for it jumping clean in front of the receiver and picking it off at the Pitt 25 as the Irish get the ball back. FUCK YEA NOW SLING THAT SHIT!
Golson hits Cierre Wood on a screen for a pickup of about 11 yards on 1st down to the Pitt 14 to get things going strong. On 2nd down Golson wastes zero fucking time a SLINGS THAT BITCH to the end zone connecting with Robby Toma for a Notre Dame touchdown! Sweeeeet. After the PAT, its 7-0 Irish halfway through the 1st.
Robby Toma is WIDE OPEN to make Notre Dame’s first TD catch of the game
On the ensuing kickoff they return it to their own 21 where they’ll start off.
On 1st down Pitt clearly has the look of a team still trying to find its identity as they try a delayed handoff which gets obliterated by Danny Spond for a 5 yard loss to bring up 2nd and 15. On 2nd down the QB rolls out of the pocket and tries to hit the underneath receiver but instead throws the ball directly to Prince Shembo’s waiting hands as the Irish get another turnover this time inside the 20! You KNOW this dude is ‘bout to SLING THAT SHIT!
Golson and crew come out of 1st down at the Pitt 19 yard line looking to make this game ugly early on and on 1st down Golson draws a defender offside for 5 free yards making it 1st and 5 from the 14. On 1st down and 5 Golson once again tries to go for the end zone and this time he can’t connect with his man and it falls incomplete bringing up 2nd and 5. On 2nd down Golson gets flushed and tosses it to Cierre Wood out in the flat who picks up a tough 2 yards bringing up 3rd and 3. On 3rd down Golson audibles and hands it off to Wood who manages to get the 1st with his legs to make it 1st and Goal from just inside the 10. On 1st down Golson tosses it out to Wood again but he has to make a catch up against the sideline and falls out of bounds at the 8 to bring up 2nd down and Goal. On 2nd down Golson takes the snap in the gun and surveys the field with plenty of time until he finds a wide open John Goodman in the center of the end zone for another bitchin’ Notre Dame touchdown! SLANGIN that shit (okay I’m done I swear). Notre Dame puts up the PAT and its 14-0 Irish still in the 1st quarter.
John Goodman jogs lightly into the end zone for another Notre Dame touchdown
Pitt takes the ensuing kickoff out to maybe the 19 yard line to get started on their next drive.
On 1st down, they come out passing and connect with their man down to their own 49 yard line for a big gain and new set of downs. 1st down once again, and they run it this time managing to pick up another 10 yards to the Notre Dame 41 for another 1st down. They manage to do the same again on the very next play and just like that they’re at the Notre Dame 29 with a 1st down. On 1st they hand it off and Dan Fox takes the runner down for a loss of 1. On 2nd and 11, the Panthers try a dump off pass and pick up about 7 before Dan Fox makes a play yet again to bring up 3rd and 4. On 3rd down they pass over the middle and find their man who takes the ball down to the Notre Dame 13 yard line for another fresh set. On 1st down they pass to the tight end right at the sideline just past the marker and pick up 11 yards to the Irish 2 for a 1st and Goal. On 1st down they go read option and the QB keeps it and walks into the end zone for a Pitt touchdown. FUCK. They hit the PAT and the score is now 14-7 Notre Dame.
GAIII takes the kick off and goes down in the end zone for a touchback and the Irish will get started at their own 25.
On 1st down Golson drops back to pass and doesn’t find anyone open so he decides to bust it open himself and carries the ball all the way to the 41 yard line for a 1st down on the ground. They hand it off to Robby Toma on 1st down and he manages to gain maybe 1 yard to bring up 2nd and 9 as the 1st quarter comes to an end.
To start the 2nd quarter, Golson passes the ball to a wide open TJ Jones down to the Pitt 48 for another 1st down in Pitt territory. On 1st Golson tries to run an option but he’s forced to tuck it and ends up losing a yard. The Irish try the same play again on 2nd only to the other side and end up with a similar result bringing up 3rd and 10. On 3rd down, Golson checks into another play and the defender jumps a little early, forcing an encroachment penalty to bring up 3rd and 5 for the Irish now from the Pitt 37. On 3rd down, Golson drops back to pass and has a wide open Tyler Eifert underneath but inexplicably overthrows it out of bounds bringing up 4th and 5. Brian Kelly doesn’t care (more so of course than the Honey Badger) so he decides to go for it on 4th and he calls a screen play to Cierre Wood who appears to have enough room to get the first but an O-Lineman misses one of his blocks and Cierre gets taken down a yard shy of the 1st and they turn it over on downs at the Pitt 34.
Pitt takes over from the 34 and on 1st down they try to run but Stephon Tuitt blows that play up and they get no gain on the play to bring up 2nd and 10. On 2nd down, the back finds a lane and manages to pick up about 16 yards to the Pitt 50 for a 1st down. On 1s they try to execute an option play but end up losing 5 yards on a tackle by Jamoris Slaughter. On 2nd down and 15, the Panthers hand it off and only pick up about 2 to bring up 3rd and 13. On 3rd down they go deep and they manage to connect on a pass over everyone’s head all the way down to the Notre Dame 7 yard line making it 1st and Goal. On 1st down, they connect for a pickup of 6 down to the Notre Dame 1 and on 2nd down they pass quickly and connect in the end zone for another Pitt touchdown. FUUUUUCK. After the PAT it’s now tied at 14 all.
GAIII takes the ball out to the 25 on the ensuing kickoff.
On 1st down Golson tries to hit Robby Toma over the middle but it’s batted down incomplete by the defense. On 2nd down Golson goes over the middle again, this time to John Goodman who manages to pick up the first down to the Notre Dame 38. On 1st down again, Golson tries a screen which ends up resulting in a loss of 6 yards. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, on 2nd down Golson stares down his boundary receiver and throws it to him late as balls and it gets intercepted, and promptly taken back all the way for a pick-6 by the Pitt defense. Just like that, they regain the lead and its now 21-14 Pitt following the PAT. Seriously…
Notre Dame takes the kickoff out to about the 29 but they get called for holding on the return and will have to start from their own 19.
So on first down trying to keep a little emotional momentum, Golson manages to draw a defender offside and it brings up 1st and 5. On 1st down Golson hits Goodman on a short pass and it gets maybe 2 yards to bring up 2nd and 3. On 2nd down Golson stands too long in the pocket and decides to scramble at the last minute only to get sacked for a loss of 6 yards to bring up 3rd and 9. Heading into what looks like a sure-fire utter collapse, on 3rd down Golson hands off to Cierre Wood on a delay who manages to gain about 8 but gets tackled short of the marker bringing up 4th and 1 from their own 28 and the Irish have to punt. The punt gets brought out to the Pitt 34 where the Panthers go to work with 1 minute left in the half.
On 1st down, the Pitt QB tosses a short pass over the top and the receiver hauls it in after a gain of about 8 yards to bring up 2nd and 2. On 2nd down, they try to pass it left toward the sideline but there is an apparent miscommunication as the receiver ends up nowhere near the pass and its incomplete. On 3rd down the crowd crank that shit up a bit and Pitt decides to try a HB sweep left but Prince Shembo says “fuck no” and rips the play apart in the backfield for a loss of 2. Kelly takes a timeout and the Panthers will punt the ball away. The Irish take the punt back to their own 27 and have 34 seconds to get some work down before the half.
With time being of the essence, Golson doesn’t seem to realize it and on all three fucking downs he tries to scramble and ends up totaling about 8 yards in the process as the clock winds down to 0 and the half ends with Pitt up 21-14.
Pitt gets the ball to start the 2nd half and on the kickoff, they bring it out to the 25 yard line where they’ll begin doing work.
On 1st down Pitt runs it and they manage to gain about 7 yards. On 2nd they pitch it and the ball carrier is taken down by Zeke Motta but not until he’s gained about 2 yards to bring up 3rd and 1. On 3rd down they give it to the back again and he brings it up to the 38 yard line for a first down. On 1st down now, they try a sweep left and they end up losing 3 yards on another Dan Fox destruction play. On 2nd down they try an option pitch and they gain about 4 yards to make it 3rd and 9. On 3rd down they run another delay and the back manages to get right to the 1st down marker where he’s taken down but Motta but he manages to get the 1st down at the Pitt 48. On 1st they try a screen which loses 1 yard and on 2nd down they toss it out which gains maybe a yard bringing up 3rd and 10. On 3rd down they go to pass it but it ends up hitting the dirt incomplete and the Panthers are forced to punt it away. Theo Riddick brings it up to the Notre Dame 23 where the Irish will get started.
On 1st down Cierre Wood takes a draw up field for a gain of about 5 and on 2nd Golson hits John Goodman down to the Notre Dame 40 yard line for a 1st down. On 1st from the 40, Golson hits Wood on a screen and he gets the blocks he needs and manages to bring the ball downfield all the way to the Pitt 42 after picking up 17. On 1st down again, Golson looks for an open man but can’t find one and Golson ends up getting sacked for a loss of 3 to bring up 2nd and 13. On 2nd Golson decides to scramble after looking downfield and he manages to get all the way to the Pitt 34 where he’s tackled to bring up 3rd and 2. On 3rd down Golson sits in the pocket and finds an open Tyler Eifert who makes the catch down at the Pitt 29 to give the Irish another 1st down. On 1st down, Wood tries to run it right and loses 2 yards, so on 2nd down Golson decides to scramble again and picks up 10 yards to bring up 3rd and 2 after the safe slide down. On 3rd and 2 Golson hands it off to Cierre Wood and he manages to find a lane on the outside and picks up the 1st down getting tackled at the Pitt 8 yard line for a 1st and Goal. The 3rd quarter comes to a close and now it’s time to get things done as we head into the 4th. On 1st down Golson hits Robby Toma for what appears to be a touchdown but the refs spot the ball at the ½ foot line to bring up 2nd and goal so on 2nd Golson targets Goodman in the back of the end zone against a zero blitz and they get the touchdown! Following the PAT it’s tied up at 21 apiece with 4:40 left in the game.
John Goodman ties the game on this touchdown reception in the 4th quarter
Pitt gets the ball on the kickoff that follows and manages to bring it out to the 25.
From their own 25, on 1st down, Pitt comes out and tries to run it only to get stuffed by Louis Nix III for no gain to bring up 2nd and 10. On 2nd down they pass it down the middle of the field and connect for a pickup of about 18 to the 47 yard line and a 1st down. On 1st and 10, the Panthers hand off again and the runner picks up about 6 yards to make it 2nd and 4. On 2nd down, they run it up the middle and gain maybe a yard to bring up 3rd and 3. On 3rd down they try a handoff to the full back but Notre Dame sniffs it out and ends up cutting the run down after a gain of 1 to bring up 4th and 2 and they Panthers are punting it away. Riddick gets the punt up to the 20 yard line and the Irish will take over.
On 1st down from his own 20, Golson drops back to pass it and spies an open TJ Jones on the sideline who makes the catch at the 26 and runs it down to the 36 for a pickup of 16. On 1st Golson option tosses it to Cierre Wood who manages to gain about 5 yards. On 2nd down Golson connects with Jones again over the middle who picks up 7 down to the 48 for another Irish 1st down. The clock ticks under 2 minutes and the Irish are just about at half field on 1st down where Golson passes it to Tyler Eifert for a pickup of 5. On 2nd down, Golson was looking for Eifert again but once again inexplicable overthrows him out of bounds incomplete. On 3rd down and 5 Golson drops back and finds Davonte Neal for what looks like just enough for a 1st down but it’s ruled just shy bringing up 4th and inches at the Pitt 42 and the Panthers call a timeout with 1:30 to go in the game. Kelly for some fucking retarded reason decides to punt it here (of course) and it goes into the end zone for a touchback giving the Panthers the final possession of the game essentially. The Panthers will get started from their own 20.
On 1st down they pass it over the middle and pick up about 15 yards to the 35. On 1st again, they pass it again and connect down to the Notre Dame 42 for another 1st down. On 1st again, the QB is getting all-day protection and he launches it to the end zone where Zeke Motta appears to break on the ball perfectly for a pick in the end zone but he ends up tipping it instead and it falls incomplete. There goes a beautiful opportunity. Of course Pitt makes us pay for it on 2nd down as they run a draw and manage to pick up 14 yards to the Notre Dame 28 and now they’re in FG range. If that wasn’t enough, on 1st down they pass over the middle and manage to run the catch all the way down to the Notre Dame 6 for a 1st and goal. They run the ball on 1st down and on 2nd down they pass and connect for a touchdown with literally 7 seconds left in the game essentially putting this one away and the Irish are going to lose this one apparently. They put up the PAT and its 28-21 Pitt. GAIII can’t do anything with the kickoff and Golson tries one last heave to the end zone with falls flat on the turf and the game is over, PITT wins…
Shades of Tulsa 2010 in this one as far as decision making by the head coach apparently. How are you going to punt it with 1:30 left on 4th and inches?? No fucking excuse, they basically said “We want to lose this one” by making that choice. Cue the collective ND Nation aneurism and binge drinking, this one blew dicks. There really isn’t much to say otherwise, because this was supposed to be the “reprieve” of the season. Maybe we’ll actually come to play next week. Oh well, here are your obligatory game stats:
Golson: 25/32, 206 yds, 3 TDs, 2 INTs, 78% Completion, 3 Sacks
Goodman: 3 Recs, 20 Yds, 2 TDs
Wood: 6 Carries, 29 yds
Simulation Rundown
