Great Shane of Subway Domer video fame decided to sit down and simulate the 2012 Football Season on NCAA Football 2013. He took notes as he watched the Notre Dame games unfold. Dear god, he’s going to die at a young age…
On to Michigan State:
Week 3 – Notre Dame vs. Michigan State (East Lansing, MI)
Aaaaand we’re back. We’re #21 in the polls (although honestly, im not really sure why) and getting ready to face the current #17 team in the land, the Michigan State Spartans. The perennial heart-attack game, this game now has disaster written all over the fuckin’ place. We have yet to score more than a touchdown in any game this year and our turnover margin sucks so hard it’s not even worth mentioning, even in a simulated environment.
Mark Dantonio surely must be cooking some serious shit this year, considering he has rebuilding to do and a new signal caller he’s already kept under the mattress for a few days. It will be interesting to see just how serious our defense actually is against this ridiculous running tandem MSU has. Not to mention we’ll also find out what our offensive line is actually made of against a serious fucking D. Let’s get this shit show started.
Notre Dame wins the toss and this time Brian Kelly isn’t trying to fuck off so he takes the football to start this road game. The kickoff gets brought back to the 15 by George Atkinson III. On 1st down Kelly calls a nifty little draw play and Cierre Wood picks up 15 to the ND 30. Golson comes out on 2nd down and throws the ball to TYLER EIFERT HOLY FUCK IT’S A MIRACLE for a 1st down to the ND 40. After a botched run play to the right that goes nowhere, Golson hits TJ Jones on a slant for a pickup of about 8 yards bringing up 3rd and 2 at the Notre Dame 48. On 3rd Golson tosses another quick slant this time to John Goodman for the 1st. On 1st down they try to run and pick up only 3, so on 2nd down Golson takes care of that shit by hitting Cierre Wood on a deep out route to the right which he takes with almost no one in sight all the way down the MSU 5 yards line. With the Offense kickin in high gear now Golson tries a speed option run which gets blown up in the back field for a loss of 7. Now that’s it’s a delightful 2nd and goal from the 12 Golson lines them up and after the snap, drops back to pass and spies John Goodman on a crossing pattern right at the end zone where he nails him for an excellent Notre Dame touchdown.
Where the fuck was this offense before?! Whatever, they kick the PAT and we’re up 7-0. Time to test our defense.
MSU brings the kickoff back to the 32. On 1st down the QB drops back to pass, and gets checked hard by Danny Spond right as he lets it go and it falls harmlessly to the ground right next to him. He doesn’t seemed to rattled though because on the very next play he drops back and launches a ridiculous bomb pass down field where his receiver awaits his pass and catches it down at the Notre Dame 14. Yea, just like that, a 54 yard pass and they’re in the red zone. So on 1st they hand it off and pick up 9 yards down to the Notre Dame 4, and then on 2nd down they call a quick slant and nail their receiver for a touchdown. MSU kicks the PAT and the game is now tied 7-7. It was nice while it lasted I suppose.
On the ensuing kickoff GAIII brings it out to the 30 but we get called for holding and take the ball at our own 18.
On 1st down Cierre Wood takes a screen pass for about 4 yards. On 2nd Golson tries to scramble and loses 2. And then on 3rd down Golson tries to scramble again and gets nothing, much like his last attempt (really, same fucking play?). So it’s a nice, quick, useless series by the Irish as they’re forced to punt. The punt gets taken back to the MSU 45 where Josh Atkinson levels the return man.
So MSU takes over and on 1st down the call a jet sweep to the right which picks up about 6 yards. On 2nd down they try to pass over the middle and Lo Wood is an inch away from picking it off but manages just to tip the pass down incomplete. On 3rd and 4 the Spartans dial up a quick throw over the middle and pick up the first down to the Notre Dame 42. With the fresh set of down, MSU comes out on 1st down and tries to throw a bubble screen which Notre Dame essentially predicts and hit the back for a loss of 2 on the play. On 2nd down the QB tries to scramble but can’t do much before Manti Te’o hits him for a sack. Now on 3rd and 13 from the 45 MSU drops back to pass, and goes deep to the wide receiver who’s all alone in the end zone for another Spartan touchdown. After the PAT, MSU goes up 14-7. DB coach Kerry Cooks is popping TUMS on the sideline, I assume.
After a touchback on the kickoff, Notre Dame gets the ball at the 25 and on 1st down they run the football and Wood picks up 7 yards. On 2nd and 3, Golson leads Eifert by too much on a pass and it falls incomplete. On 3rd and 3 Golson drops back to pass only to hit Robby Toma underneath where he gets tackled short of the 1st down marker. 4th down again and the Irish are forced to punt once again. Ben Turk still working strong as his kick goes down to the MSU 15 whichh they bring back to the 30.
On 1st down MSU hits the tight end on a quick pass which beats the blitz called by ND and goes for a gain of 20 down to the 50. On 2nd down the QB tries to do it with his feet and gets hit for no gain. On 2nd and 10 they call a toss play which gets destroyed for no gain also. On 3rd down (where they have been killing ND all game thus far) the QB hits his receiver to the left and he picks up 13 down to the 37 for a 1st down. On 1st down they run the ball for a gain of 15 down to the 22. On 1st again, they run it again this time to the outside and pick up a ridiculously easy 18 yards down to the Notre Dame 4. On 1st and goal they try to run it and ND takes them down in the backfield for a loss of 2. On 2nd they try a screen and it goes for about 4 yards down to the ND 2. On 3rd and goal they call a simple toss play and walk it in for the score to go up 21-7 after the PAT. IS IT HALFTIME YET?!?!
Notre Dame comes out at the 25 after a touchback. On 1st down Golson manages to somehow hit Eifert in the back of his helmet while he’s trying to block, and it falls incomplete. On 2nd down Golson tries to scramble and goes for maybe one yard. On 3rd down Golson throws a lazy lob pass over in Davonte Neal’s general direction where its batted down easily by the defense. Time to punt AGAIN.
Punting from his own 10 he nails that fucker all the way down to the MSU 30 and even though the bring it back to the 40, they get called for holding and are stuck back where that bitch fell. FUCK YEA BEN!
So they come out on 1st and once again we cant seem to play defense ad they hit a receiver over the middle down to the 46. Once again on 1st they pass it and hit the running back down to the ND 43. On the next play they pass again this time toward the sideline down inside the Notre Dame 25 where its promptly caught. On 1st down they try a screen which goes for little gain to bring up 2nd and 9. On 2nd down they go to the end zone where the DBs knock it down. But on the very next fucking play they hit the same target, in the same fucking place for a touchdown 33 seconds before halftime to go up 28-7 on the ailing Irish.
On the ensuing kickoff GAII actually manages to do something decent with it and brings it back to the 42 yard line.
On 1st down it would appear that someone’s family must have just received a death threat because Golson comes out and launches a fuckin rocket down the field to TJ Jones who catches it and steps out of bounds at the MSU 26. With :23 left its 1st down and Notre Dame calls a pass play over the middle that doesn’t find its receiver and falls to the ground incomplete. With :19 left now in the half Golson throws a strike to Tyler Eifert and hes tackled at the MSU 3 with :14 seconds left at which point Kelly calls timeout. Coming back from timeouts hasn’t exactly been Notre Dame’s best foot forward this season so the collective fanbase is shitting bricks that they’re gonna somehow fuck this one up.
So, from the time out, its 1st and goal. Notre Dame calls a speed option to the left which Golson pitches to Wood who almost gets the but can’t quite turn the corner and gets taken down at the MSU 2 with :09 seconds left to go in the half. YEP THEY FUCKED IT UP! The clock runs down to :05 at which point Kelly calls a timeout and brings out the kicking team who puts up 3 to go into the half. 28-10 MSU
So far, it’s about as fun to watch as kittens getting…nevermind, it just blows.
So after the half MSU gets to start with the ball. On 1st down from the 25 they call a play action fake and pass for about 6 yards. On 2nd down they try play action again and just as the receiver catches the ball he gets nailed by Zeke Motta and drops it bringing up 3rd and 4. On 3rd they call a bootleg and just as the Spartan receiver gets into position to make the catch, BENNETT JACKSON comes FLYING in to steal the pass and take that motherfucker to the HOUSE for a pick-6! Looks for a moment like we’re still interested in playing this one. Following the PAT the score is now 28-17.
MSU brings the kickoff back to the 22 where they kick off the drive. On 1st down they hit the running back on a pass which picks up about 7 yards. On 2nd down the QB gets pressured and drops off a pass that goes into the dirt. On 3rd and 3 they hit the tight end on an underneath route and he barely picks up the 1st rolling over the tackling defender. On 1st down the QB is forced to throw it away with no one open. On 2nd MSU gets called for a false start which makes it 2nd and 15 where they try a screen that picks up 5. On 3rd and 10 they line up with 5-wide and try to hit the tight end again over the middle but Manti Te’o doesn’t give a shit, and tackles him before he can do anything with it to bring up 4th down and 5 and MSU is forced to punt. Theo Riddick does essentially nothing with the return and is taken down at the Notre Dame 30.
With a little new found momentum Golson starts off on 1st by hitting TJ jones on a slant that picks up 9. On 2nd and 1 Golson hits Davonte Neal for the 1st down at the 42. On 1st again, Golson hands off to Cierre Wood up the middle who takes it following his blockers and picks up 15 down to the MSU 43. On 1st once again, Golson finds Goodman over the middle and he takes the pass down for a gain of 13 to the MSU 30.
Just when things are looking good, Golson drops back on 1st down and decides last minute he wants to throw a screen and it’s promptly picked off by MSU who delivers a pick-6 of their own. I know what you’re thinking right about now, and I’m sure it involved destroying something. After the PAT, its 35-17 MSU.
After taking the kickoff up to the 34, Notre Dame comes out to work all over again. On 1st Golson hits Ben Koyack for a 9 yard again down to the 43. On 2nd down Golson seems to have hit a stride of sorts and hits Cierre Wood for a 19 yard pass down to the MSU 38. On 1st down Golson misses Wood on a pass. On 2nd Golson tries to scramble and picks up 3 to bring up 3rd and 7. On 3rd down it starts to become apparent that Notre Dame isn’t taking this game very seriously as they throw the most fucking idiotic screen to the sideline and it goes for a loss of 3 bringing up 4th and 10.
Brian Kelly decides to say “fuck it, we’re down 3 scores lets try this shit,” and lines the guys up to go for it. As the ball is snapped Golson draws a defender offside but it doesn’t matter, as he hits TJ Jones in stride for a pickup of 12 down to the MSU 26 and a 1st down!! WOOHOO!
on 1st down Golson hits Davonte Neal for a short gain on about 4. On 2nd down Golson leads Goodman by too much (he’s done this shit like 54 times now) and it falls incomplete. On 3rd down not only do we not pickup any yards, Golson gets sacked for a loss of 6! 4th and 12 and the 3rd quarter comes to an end.
Once again on 4th down Notre Dame is forced to go for it and much like you might expect, once they do they fuck it up. Golson goes for the score and throws a nice interception in the end zone. Awesome.
So MSU takes it from their 20 and starts running the ball. They pick up 5 on 1st down and one more on 2nd down brining up 3rd and 4. On 3rd down, we still can’t get ANY pressure on the QB he throws for the 1st without issue. Moving down the field, MSU picks up 1st down after 1st down both on the ground and through the air mostly because Notre Dame DBs dropped literally 4 potential INTs during the drive. The Spartans get down to the Notre Dame 38 and the clock ticks under 3 minutes left in the game. After running it on 1st and 2nd for a total of 3 yards, on 3rd down they milk some clock down and somehow manage to draw Notre Dame offside to give them a nice gift of 3rd and 2 instead. MSU takes the gift and promptly proceeds to score on the next play to go up 42-17 with just over a minute left. Gaaaaame over.
So even though it’s not going to be a W, GAII still comes out and busts open the return down to the MSU 45, which is badass. On the next series though, Golson misses each of his 3 attempted passes to seal the deal and be forced to punt. MSU takes a couple of kneel-downs after a couple of runs and puts the game away. 41-17 MSU is the final score in this one.
This one was fucked from the get go. Yea, we came out looking decent, but we forgot how to play football from that point forward. I’m particularly amused by the fact that we seem to forget that individual players are even on our team all together from week to week. This week our forgotten hero was Robby Toma, as Golson essentially gave him no love all game. I know it’s a game but if you want to win games you still have to be consistent and play football, not some botched form of cricket or some shit (I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about.) Also of note was the fact that once again, out run game was a non-factor, which isn’t doing us any favors. Bottom line here is that the overall worst facet of our game is STILL the turnovers, coupled with the idea that we still don’t quite understand how to operate as a complete cohesive unit. I can’t say I’m terribly surprised by the result but I can’t say I thought this one would go so fucking terrible either. Are we sure we can’t have Lynch back???
At least we can regroup for next…Oh wait…
Michigan is next??!
Are you fucking kidding me…
Golson: 17/28, 201 yds, 1 TD, 2 INT, 60% completion, 1 sack
TJ Jones: 4 Recs, 65 yds
Wood: 7 Carries, 44 yds
Simulation Rundown
